Sunday, March 22, 2009

Marriages are made in heaven???

She was holding a plate full of snacks that she had prepared all afternoon. There were 5-6 of them - she was too nervous to count exactly . She had taken careful steps - as she entered the drawing room with head down and tray in hand - as she was told previously. Everything made her conscious - her saree, their gazes, she was not used to wearing a saree yet . Her heart was pounding harder than a sledgehammer. How she wished to run up to her own room, free herself out of the saree, wear her everyday clothes and relax!! Given a choice she would never have worn the saree , she would have agreed to wear a salwar kameez. Why was she going through the drill mechanically? She was told to; it was about time she got married.....

This is not a scene from some big banner family movie. Look around you, ask yourself- all of us have been a part of (or the main feature of) this meeting . The meeting that starts off a looooong sequele of several meetings, which probably leads to either rejection or several ceremonies, one major ceremony and sometimes " happily ever after..."

It all starts with some elderlies in the society coming together and sharing a number of photos of eligibles. It reminds me of the cool WWE or Cricket star collections kids carry in their pockets- with achievements and all written behind the snap. Snaps are excanged, then looks are excanged, then words are excanged n finally come the rings followed by kisses or "Kabul hai" or garlands!

The fact that amazes me the most is that Indians are so positive and how they always hope for "New n Improved" ! For starters, the eligible spinsters wish for a Ranbir Kapoor look-alike (these days) , with the intellect of a scientist , an income of Tatas /Birlas but muscles like Arnold!!! I say girls open your eyes and look around! I think Indian scientists should stop clonning something like dolly and start cloning a man with all the above requirements! Make a gene bhelpuri! Ask a girl and she will tell you the fantastic details of what might comprise her dream guy.

The bachelors are one step ahead. And their "I am looking for " list is hilarious! If I were the curator of the LOUVRE, I would have displayed some of these manuscripts ! Even if the guy is darker than charcoal , he wants nothing less than a "fair n lovely" ! He wants a combo of "Sunder Sushil Gharelu " who also earns ! Tell me guys, if a girl works 10 hours a day in the office, travels in the scorching heat and dusty weather, how will she still glow like you dream girl Karina or Katrina? And complexion is a genetic trait, so you can get a made to order gal by genetic engineering.

And thats not all, then there are the moms of bachelors and dads of spinsters! Both entities will scrutinise "subjects of interests" from head to toe. They count their toes and fingers and check for any scars or signs of "ugliness" - a point the other party is deliberately trying to hide. How easily people forget that they are not perfect either! The way they try to "win " the best bride (or groom for that matter) - something they can show off later, digusts me in some cases.

And then comes the religious match making process which consists of kundalis, the opinion of some religious head for caste- creed- religion matching. So what if its the 21st century? If blood groups need to be matched, toh yeh toh zindagi bhar ke saath ka saval hai bhai!

Then comes the grand finale! After much ado the match is "arranged" and at the wedding we overhear the in-laws saying lawfully . "Marriages are made in heaven".


  1. hey ur blog gave me goose flesh...thinking tht someday even i'll hv to go thru this procedure.although i kno these things happen,n have even witnessed a couple of such meetings, but i was small then and it was funny to me at tht point of time, never gave a thought to wat tht girl must be going thru wen ppl r starring at her like an alien or a showpiece in a museum?wat is fear of rejection?n then talking abt ur likes and dislikes to a complete stranger,being very careful abt ur words so tht u potray a good image of urself,and u have to give ur decision after the 1st meeting itself,well how can u know a person after meeting him just once?no one will obviosuly show their "loop holes" in the 1st meeting.all in all marriage is a big gamble.seriosuly a big question mark after the famous sentence "marriages r made in heaven"

  2. Meri kahaani, aapkee zubaani!! You are so right. We are in the twenty first century, but being of the same caste, same religion is still a pre-requisite. Add to that, the demands of living in the twenty first centure. They want a working girl! The guys expect a super-woman and the girls want a super man!!

    Well written Ma'm, well written!

  3. I know you may not like the process but can you argue with the results? I ask because the divorce rates for arranged marriages are substantially lower than non-arranged. On another note, can't you change the process? I mean, don't you have some degree of control on what you state is important to you? I'm not familiar with the process thus the reasons for my questions.

  4. @Sweety : I agree , it is a common situation in many parts of India , but sure it has solutions. Unless we do something , it will go on. We can stop accepting and being a part of it or atleast call for a fair ground.

  5. @Stillness Speaks: Yes it is the 21st century but still... I really love and respect our culture . But if cultural and religious ideas give rise to mental frustration instead of satisfaction, may be there was an excess?
    Plus when these unwritten cultural peculiarities came into practice, peoples lifestyles were different. Just like one cant expect a grownup to fit into his/her childhood clothes, so also it is with old cultures and traditions. We need to bend them according to the current lifestyle and conditions, you know, sorta find a middle ground.
    Its nice to hear from you. :)

  6. hey
    this is my first visit to ur space... n m glad i did... u have so hit the nail right on the head.. the mind sets r still the same in most parts of the world... u may be a techie or a doc but still u need to fit in the good cook good homemaker frame all the time...
    u may be pretty u still need to be 0 figure these days.. god alone knws why he blessed women with curves .. men of this era don really want it tat way...
    hmmm... and this obsession with skin color he is a killer.. but u knw the onus lies on our generation to change things.. to be more large hearted n look skin deep... it still is true tat most tat matters is in the eyes n heart n nt in the gait of a new bride

  7. @ TruEngineer: sorry for the late reply. Was busy lately.
    You are comparing statistical data of successful marriages. Agreed that most of them are arranged.
    What about the quality? I mean , individually on every marriage level ?
    Your questions are valid and I think I know why they would occur to you. There is a huge difference between Indian society and the West. The problems you face most frequently are those of divorce, as you correctly pointed out. However, in our society, divorce is still frowned upon in some religions and some parts of India. As a result, people are stuck in bad marriages enduring years and years of physical, mental and sexual abuse at the hands of their spouses. The situation has changed a lot in the metropolitans now, but the villages are still rampant with such cases. Also, in Indian society, a woman does not enjoy the same status and freedom as in the west (except for the south Indian states of Kerala and Tamil Nadu and in Maharashtra). Thus, it is expected of the woman to be holier-than-thou whereas the man has no such obligations to live up to. I confess it is upto our generation to change the situation however i really believe that the elders too need to change their outlook and support youngsters who are trying to break free of this cliche.

  8. @nups: I totally agree with you! You are also right that its the responsibility of our generation to change things, its about time.
    Glad you liked my blog, keep visiting. :0)

  9. I wanna register a protest...and an amplified one at it. Yeh to aisa ho gaya ki ulta chor kotwal ko daate...hehe. get in a defensive mode mad...listen first...there are different perspectives..what u present is a valid perspective..but applicable for a qquarter cases only. Time changes faster than we think it is. We hav been in nasik for major part of our lives...ask them who hav seen pune n mumbai...u talk abt saree n every day clothing...what is everyday clothing?...tight jeans n flimsy tops...worn to catch attention of unsuspecting thought but true isnt it? if she feels it convienient to come in her everday dresses in front of elders...i say she is already wasted..not a marriage material at all....n the worst part is the tea which is in the tray she holds is probably made by her mother...coz she knows not how to make it good....coz she never made it..she never had to..many a times when her dad returned home frm office she was probably enjoyin wid her friends in some pub..insted of being at home n makin him a cup of a days they want a scooty , may be a car, a clothes....armani purses...expensive shoes..little did they take into consideration..tht when their mother was of their age..she wud have travelled in a bus.worn a saree...chappal...n on many rainy days..used an umpteen times repaired umbrella..n she thinks shes uncomfortable in a saree?? meet the modern girl...for whom "o baba" has turned into "a pappa"...for whom..the best guy is the guy wid lots of money...for whom...equality is her unconditional consideration by the guy..regardless of her worth...for whom if she is to be presented before the elders is an insult to her womanhood...she feared...understandably so..coz she knew she lacks...if not then y the fear.
    ..what i present here is the other half off the prespective...the metro perspective...thts y sumtimes i think nasik is better..coz still in nasik there must be hundreds of mads in the makin...wat say?

  10. would love to be regular here :) and thanks for stopping by at mine!

  11. Luckily, haven't had to go through this yet. :)

  12. @Anonymous: please read the next post.

  13. @Adorable Pancreas: As a matter of fact, I am lucky too. :0)

  14. Try as you might, there are certain things within the strata of Indian society that just refuses to be changed.
    Nevertheless you ought to consider yourself fortunate because you can stand up and fight for your rights.
    But what about the remainder of women in India who are subjected to suffer in silence for the remainder of their lives?
    Its a highly polarised society, and frankly neither is Bollywood nor Indian television (read ekta kapoor) are making it any easier.
    And frankly as far as losing your steam towards jerks is concerned, who cares?
    You shouldn't be angry at them but rather pity them, because they can never get anywhere ahead in their lives with their stone age mentalities.

  15. @Vyazz: Good to know that there still exist "normal" guys. :)
    No, Vyassy, I was not angry at anybody.I was angry at the mentality. Thanks for the comment and the support! I am glad I have friends like you who are broad minded! :)

  16. talking about living in 21st century,and we still hv people like anonymous who r in 17th-18th,god knows wat century.....well talking abt girls wearing inappropraite clothes,wenever u ask a guy wat kinda girl u want as ur girl friend ,his ans wud always be a girl who has the perfect figure,who dresses smartly,a totally hap kinda girl who he can show off in front of his so called friends,preferably a foreginer, if the person has access to it.but wen u ask the same guy wat kinda wife do u want,he will say a girl who is covered from head to toe,who doesnt even have guy friends.this is called hippocracy.
    1 more qs to anyonymous and all other ppl who hv such kinda thinking....wat kinda girl wud u prefer
    a)who dresses up in a perfect indian wear,who cooks amazing well but has no knowledge apart from kitchen work,watching crap serials on tv and adapting new ways of breaking the family(believe me such ppl r only responsible for tiffs bet brothers/parents and son etc)
    b)a girl who is educated,earns well enuff to support ur family,who is a decent cook,takes care of ur family whole heartedly,has an intellectual level equal to u or even more than u,and demands lil bit of fun on weekends.
    well the choice is urs!!

  17. @Sweety: you are quite ryt abt the hypocrisy.
    Yes , the "requirements" to be eligible for the "post" of a girlfriend and a wife are pretty opposite to each other, according to a bunch of hypocrites.
    sad really.


Feel free to share your views..............