Sunday, March 29, 2009

To my dear anonymous friend

You can read my previous post "Marriages Are Made In Heaven?" . This is one of the many responses I received:

Anonymous said :

I wanna register a protest...and an amplified one at it. Yeh to aisa ho gaya ki ulta chor kotwal ko daate...hehe. No.no...dont get in a defensive mode mad...listen first...there are different perspectives..what u present is a valid perspective..but applicable for a qquarter cases only. Time changes faster than we think it is. We hav been in nasik for major part of our lives...ask them who hav seen pune n mumbai...u talk abt saree n every day clothing...what is everyday clothing?...tight jeans n flimsy tops...worn to catch attention of unsuspecting boys...cheap thought but true isnt it?...so if she feels it convienient to come in her everday dresses in front of elders...i say she is already wasted..not a marriage material at all....n the worst part is the tea which is in the tray she holds is probably made by her mother...coz she knows not how to make it good....coz she never made it..she never had to..many a times when her dad returned home frm office she was probably enjoyin wid her friends in some pub..insted of being at home n makin him a cup of tea...now a days they want a scooty , may be a car, a mobile..lipsticks...new clothes....armani purses...expensive shoes..little did they take into consideration..tht when their mother was of their age..she wud have travelled in a bus.worn a saree...chappal...n on many rainy days..used an umpteen times repaired umbrella..n she thinks shes uncomfortable in a saree??..great..so meet the modern girl...for whom "o baba" has turned into "a pappa"...for whom..the best guy is the guy wid lots of money...for whom...equality is her unconditional consideration by the guy..regardless of her worth...for whom if she is to be presented before the elders is an insult to her womanhood...she feared...understandably so..coz she knew she lacks...if not then y the fear.
..what i present here is the other half off the prespective...the metro perspective...thts y sumtimes i think nasik is better..coz still in nasik there must be hundreds of mads in the makin...wat say?

My dear anonymous friend.

1) If you have a protest which is valid according to you, why did you post it as anonymous.?

2) I said comfortable clothing: its sad that all you can think of is "tight jeans n flimsy tops". Look around you, a majority of the girls still find salwar kammez comfortable. Too much bolywood can skew up your imagination like that. The Maharashtrian traditional wear is actually a nau-vari saree which resembles a harem pant (three-forth). Are you trying to tell me that our grandmothers dressed provocatively?
I quote from my post "she would have agreed to wear a salwar kameez."
AND the ones wearing jeans wear them with comfy tops that are not clingy.
What do you mean by "worn to catch attention of unsuspecting boys...cheap thought but true isnt it?..." so you want to say that some mentally sick guys dont have cheap thoughts when they look at girls dressed in salwar kameez? Let me give you some statistics, a majority of sex crimes are commited against girls who are in salwar kameezes and even in sarees. Dont believe me? Check for yourself. But why will you, you are busy blaming all these heinous crimes on the dressing sense of the "modern wasted girl".

3) Why do you assume that a girl wearing jeans cant really make tea!.....amazing assumption!

"She was holding a plate full of snacks that she had prepared all afternoon. "

Every Woman joining Police academy and military wears pants and jeans - respectable Dr.Kiran Bedi wears pants! -She is one woman every Indian should be proud of! And believe me, I am sure she can even make a cup of tea!

4) Mobiles , scooty, good bags, Armani stuff.....don't guys need it n use all those things ? I think those are the necessities of the day. I don't think you are suggesting discrimination are you?

5) So you say gals should not wear jeans, but guys can, gals should not go to pub, but guys can? Its an individual choice about what one wants to do and how one wants to carry onself in society and its really sad if girls have to live their lives according to the whims and dictates of a regressing and prejudiced society.

A girl is wasted if she doesn't know how to make tea? But a guy who thinks that the girl is wasted because she cant make tea is alright?

6) Why do you think that gals are always searching for wealthy guys?
with the kind of salaries these days, believe me, a guy's wealth doesn't even count.

7) Please don't insult the word "womanhood". If you think being suppressed, not raising a voice against injustice and living all life under the constant 'supervision' of the male fraternity is 'womanhood', then you are sadly mistaken my friend. The 'modern woman' is a working mother, she is a strong personality who is not afraid to ask what she needs and claim what is rightfully hers. She will not take injustice lying down. She dresses in jeans but her roots and values are firmly imbibed into her very soul. She looks after her family, travels in worse-than-death conditions to work and doesn't utter a word of protest all because she knows that this is the price of freedom.

8) Whats with what we call our fathers? I call my father Baba . I can call him anything that doesn't even make any difference. He is proud of me and I am proud of him.

9) You came as anonymous, but disclosed the place where I am from. I am from Nashik but I belong to a village remote in Madhya Pradesh, technically I am a village girl (a proud owner of a lipstick, a branded purse, many jeans, and many tops) . I can cook, make tea, wash clothes and even save peoples lives. I am a 'modern woman' and a very proud one at that. I respect my elders and love my parents and at the same time I claim the right to live my life the way I want to. Its not necessary that every woman who claims to be 'modern' goes pubbing or gets drunk.No. It just means that she lives free of bonds. She has her own thoughts and opinions. Her parents have been broad-minded enough to trust their daughter with her life. They have instilled values and good thoughts into her head, and they know that she will never let them down. They are proud of their daughter and thats the whole thing. Nothing else.

I THINK YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE FIRST PARA: ANY GIRL, MODERN OR NOT MODERN (ACCORDING TO YOUR DEFINITION)FEELS SHY IN FRONT OF STRANGERS . SHE IS NERVOUS IN THE COMPANY OF PEOPLE SCRUTINIZING HER FROM HEAD TO TOE . YOU THINK "MODERN" GIRLS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS, OR THEY CANT FEEL SHY?

THE POST WAS ABOUT THE FUNNY INCIDENCES THAT HAPPEN DURING THE ARRANGEMENT OF MARRIAGES, NOT ABOUT A "MODERN WASTED(!) GIRL "UNFIT" FOR MARRIAGE. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAD TO STING YOU SO MUCH. I HAVE WRITTEN FROM BOTH THE GUYS AND GIRLS POINTS OF VIEW. PLEASE RE-READ THE PREVIOUS POST AND THEN MAYBE YOU'LL GET IT. ITS NOT ABOUT WHO IS RIGHT AND WHO IS WRONG, ITS JUST A FACT THAT IS RAMPANT IN OUR SOCIETY. THAT'S ALL.

13 comments:

  1. I agree with what you had to say COMPLETELY! I couldn't have said it better really. With you Todays writer in this

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  2. @Stillness Speaks: thank you. if we dont say anything now we wont get a chance to say anything at all in our defense.
    I really felt very sad to see this kind of mentality in India .

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  3. The very fact that we must come forward to defend ourselves is so sad. We talk about equality of genders, but it pains me to see that a certain section of society still exists for whom the primary and only job of a woman is to cook, take care of family and rear children. Heinous crimes are committed against women, but even so, they are the ones to blame, not the offender. Which is so outright cheap and disgusting. Anyways. Good you chose to speak up!

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  4. very well said mad!proud of u!

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  5. @ Stillness Speaks: What can I say? It is indeed sad that we are now facing a situation where self defense is the only alternative. Had women learnt 2 stand up for themselves, say a century back, I am sure we would be seeing a whole different picture today. But as they say, better late than never. I read that there was atime when women were respected a lot for their wisdom, knowledge. Even in mythology, Adi Shakti is described. I guess all our beliefs have been left in the temples and other religious places. The heart is empty. Sad really.

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  6. Wow! Anonymous must have got really ticked off by your last post to write such a long protest. Sad to see such narrow mindedness still exists in our society. Perhaps the media can help in changing perceptions..

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  7. I agree with what you have written out there..its sad to know that a large part of society still needs to be made to understand what woman actually go through. Good job, and hey i hope you are not expecting this anonymous to read your post and change mindset..coz i dont think it will happen...a lot needs to be done :)

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  8. @sammythewizzy: lol! The strange part is there was nothing in my last post that should have stung him so hard! All I have done is describe a common scenario that is played out in a majority of families in India. Weird the sort of reactions one gets! :)
    As far the media is concerned, you are right in saying they could help, but the sad part is that they dont seem to be making full use of their potential. If it decides to, media can be a very powerful tool that can drastically change the face of the current situation.
    Thanks for stopping by!

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  9. @ani_aset: Yah, I absolutely do NOT expect this anonymous to change his mindset after reading this post. How can a small post like mine change a mindset that has withstood (presumably) an education? But I couldnt possibly take this lying down.
    I think our society really needs to start looking at women as equals and not as an inferior race who needs constant supervision and protection......also suppression in some cases!
    *sigh! You are right, a lot needs to be done!

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  10. Cherie' You have been tagged(as well)....Njoy!!!

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  11. Wow! Thats one power packed post! From one modern woman to another, with you all the way! Proud to be your friend! As for this anonymous friend, sad to see such narrow mindedness.

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  12. @AS:
    thanks AS I have no doubt you will be there with me all the way......

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